My feelings are valid! That’s the affirmation of the day... but what if we don’t know what we’re feeling?
I'm currently working through Jessi Kneeland's free e-course and Day 2 brings up a lot of great info on how our experience as women in this society leaves us with the sense that our feelings aren’t valid.
Jessi’s email today was so good (as usual!) Right from the beginning:
“If you’re like most women, you’ve probably been shamed for having “too many” feelings at some point, called “too emotional” or “too needy” or “crazy” or “difficult.” Maybe you’ve seen the effect your feelings have on other people, and notice that people in our culture really only like women to be happy and calm.”
We’re also brought up in a way that gives us the impression that everyone else’s needs come before our own... leaving us with this disconnect from our own experience.
This speaks to me. It’s really tough for me to know what I’m even feeling, so the next step to knowing my feelings are valid feels more like a leap.
It makes me wonder about our different experiences with knowing our feelings based on our personality...
Here’s a quick dive into how this may play out for an INFJ, based on my experience and what I’ve learned about the cognitive functions so far.
If we look at the cognitive functions of an INFJ, we see the top two being Ni (introverted intuition) and Fe (extraverted feeling).
My experience of this has been that when it comes to my feelings, it’s tough to know where I’m at because I need a lot of time alone to go inward, reflect and process what’s going on (Ni).
On top of needing all that time (which is so hard to get in our go, go, go culture by the way), I feel it’s like the effects of socialization as a woman are doubled with that Fe function in the second slot. It wants to create harmony in our surroundings and I’m therefore much more aware of what’s going on for everyone else except myself.
I feel as an INFJ that it’s so important to make the time for solitude in order to go inward... but sometimes expressing, getting all those things inside out there in the world and hearing from others helps too. It just comes less naturally to us to do this because it requires us to be vulnerable with that Fe... which is, according to Personality Hacker, our greatest fear but also our greatest opportunity for growth! So here I am!
That’s why expressing myself through writing and making these videos and then getting to exchange with people like you is so valuable to me!
Some other practices that have helped:
Journaling (in writing, audio or video form)
Having an amazing person who makes you feel heard and let’s you just talk through some of the things swirling within you so you can get esome clarity.
Discover your MBTI personality type: 16personalities.com
Then do some research on cognitive functions to get to know your approach to the world and where your greatest opportunities for growth reside.
My favourite right now: Personality Hacker