I see myself as a strong woman. While I can feel insecure doing physical activity in front of and with others (thanks for that Se inferior function for an INFJ), overall I trust and expect my body to be capable of a lot of things.
I’ve spent a lot of time learning and trying new ways to push my body. I’ve pushed it to run and swim laps and to go to the gym. I’ve pushed my body to get strong, to get lean, to impress myself or others by “improving” its shape or being able to say I’ve completed different challenges.
There’s been a great desire to try to change myself “for the better” while constantly trying to grasp at this ideal, this future and what could be if only I had the self-discipline to stick to it. There hasn’t been much time for noticing, admiring what already is and accepting the beauty that’s already there.
As I try to open up to and balance the feminine energies within myself , I recognize all this “self-discipline” as coming from a very masculine type of force within me. So I ask myself why I’m really doing those things to my body... are they truly and always for me?
As with everything in my life, I hope to act more and more from a place of love and not from fear. Are these practices and behaviours in regards to my body image stemming from a place of love?
I've been following and loving Jessi Kneeland's work for a while now. I love the way she inspires women to see the behaviours we have around body image in a new light. Her writing helps me stay on track by reminding me to question WHY I do what I do when it comes to my body.
Jessi is a role model to me, demonstrating the type of relationship with her body that I desire to maintain with my own.
I'm moved by this recent post of hers on Facebook as it reminds me of all the times in the past where I've caught myself in that masculine energy trying to push and force my body to be a certain way.
I'm not saying I'm against challenging myself, but I do want to change the way I approach fitness. I don’t want to be in that masculine energy and way of doing things all the time.
Instead of beating up my body and willing it to be something else, I want to be more gentle with myself.
When it comes to my regular movement practice, I want to be present. I want to feel my body, tune in to what it really wants and needs. I want to love it, accept it, appreciate it as it is now, today. I’m done with waiting for the day I can finally feel “satisfied” with the way I look.
Most of all I want to have fun!
So here’s to a commitment to changing the way I view and do fitness. Here’s to balancing my masculine and feminine in the way I consciously decide to move and to see my body.
Written December 7, 2017. Updated July 2018.
I wanna know...
Have you experienced any shifts in the perspective you have when it comes to your body image and why you do what you do in the name of “fitness”? I’d love to hear your insights!